Life is Good When You're Breathing

I have a hard time,
keeping up this stream of tears,
wallowing in these made up fears,
are these things real to me,
or are they things in which I believe?
just ideas that I did conceive?
I'm pretty sure it's just a dream,
the real hurt comes from something more,
when the fire dies,
the embers fade,
the eyes grow dim,
these are the idols we have made,
perfect bodies, perfect smiles,
perfect lives, these perfect lives,
surrounded by our giant walls,
that shut us out,
lock us in,
slow decaying from within,
our hearts do break,
but we can't feel,
we'll never know,
what's truly real,
sense of touch,
of taste and smell,
all forsaken for what they sell,
we're let down by what can't feel,
consumed by what we swear is real,
I want, I need, I have, I'm sure,
that what I have is white and pure,
it's proof of a life well spent,
proof that somewhere along the way,
everything fell apart.
We're crying out,
from behind our walls,
saviors saviors, saviors,
save us save us, save us,
outstretched arms,
no one will repay us,
for deeds we haven't done,
words in webs we haven't spun,
you look at me for salvation,
but I promise you I'm not the one,
to raise you up to constellations,
I know this,
life is good when you're breathing,
the poor rejoice, the wealthy seething,
the joy of being a human being,
I control myself, look to myself,
I'll fall to pieces,
if I cast my eyes towards someone else,
life is good when you're breathing,
the little things keep my heart beating.

Another post

So many times,
in fact every time,
I've held out my hand,
tried to be the man,
tried to be steady,
tried to be ready,
to hold you up,
to be solid ground,
but it seems every time,
yea, every time,
you gave away,
you walked away,
you stayed away,
and I watched the day,
turn blue to gray,
the sun fall in my skies
lose sight with my eyes,
every time,
yes, every time,
you put me down,
you let me go,
you left me alone,
so gentle it hurt,
so cold that I burned,
so sweet that I soured,
so short that my hours,
turned into seconds,
that turned into moments,
they turned into nightmares,
and set me in my chair,
to sit and to think,
about how I can be,
all of these things, that you'll never see.

Perspective

This past weekend, I went to my friend's house to work again to prepare for his sister's wedding that'll be taking place there.

It's nice to go and let the other stresses of my life wash away, but this weekend, I found myself constantly being reminded of things I'm unhappy with in my own life. The entire weekend, I seemed to dwell on them, letting them consume me at times.

Once I returned back to school, I was confronted by other issues, heavier issues. Without going into detail, my sister is considering transferring schools. On top of this, the girl that is living with my mom has to go to her senior prom on crutches. And it's Easter.

I guess my problems (mainly girl frustrations), seem trivial when placed next to those issues. Life is all about perspective. So much of the time, I lack perspective, and whenever I find it, it's a fresh dose of reality for me. This world is more than what I want out of it. I'm not sure what else I should be doing, wanting, expecting, giving, but the more I'm here, the more I'm sure that I have something else to be doing while I'm here. With patience, I know I'll find it.

The world through my eyes

I'm alone in this crowded world,
above all the crowded rooms,
the clutter escapes me,
and I can breathe,
when I look at where I came from,
I never want to return,
I love my isolation,
so far away and cold,
no one can touch me here,
I hate where I came from,
I hate what they are,
when I see them,
and I see me,
I see how different,
we truly are,

I love being so far away,
and I like it way up here,

nobody can touch me,

and that's how I want to be,
this world is not mine
their world is not mine,
I gave it all away,

the smiling faces,of fabricated moments,
of medicated psyches,
crawling on their hands and knees,
only in my dreams,
only my reality,
when I'm awake,
they all dream
of what it's like to feel alive,
nothing to hold on to,
nothing to believe,
they appear to be alive,
but I fear they're dead inside,


If I had the chance,
to rejoin the world I left,
to fall back with the life I had,
I'd cast down every rope,
every ladder, refuse every hand,
this is where I want to be,
alone, away, only me,
your world is dead,
in my eyes dead,
I'll stay right here,
and wash away.

To wait.

Technology is a fantastic thing. It makes our lives easier, and enhances what we're able to do. We're able to keep in touch with people at long distances with relative ease these days compared to the era of handwritten letters from days gone by.

I think because of this, we've become accustomed to instant gratification. Sending a text, you expect a response in a timely fashion, just like you would with an email or a phone call or any other sort of thing related to digital correspondence. I think we've become too used to having people right at our fingertips, and it creates a feeling of crowding, even though we could be hundreds of miles away.

I feel that more and more we lean on the methods of communication we have instead of really valuing what we're communicating. The easier it is, the more we take others being there for granted, as if they really are just a phone call or a text message away. More and more, face to face communication is being pushed aside for the impersonal method that is everything related to a screen. I wonder, are we as a society soon heading down a path of entirely no face to face communication? How are we supposed to connect with other people in a real way? Or will we just forget that element entirely of personal relationships and forge a new way of feeling?

Joose.

The last time I wrote, there was a different President in office. It's wierd to think that back in 8th grade people were speculating Barack Obama would run for office in 2008 and all of a sudden, here he is, and here we are. Wild wild world.

Gainesville took place this weekend, and I had an absolute blast. I have a few major things to be considering this next semester, and have to really sit down and bake on some thoughts. This is looking to be my most important semester of my life, and I must treat it as such.




It's wild to go to different places and see how backwards South Carolina is sometimes.

I suck at spelling.

I just realized that without Spell Check, I would be the world's most clueless person when it comes to spelling actual words. Yea, there's a typo in the title of my previous entry. Ayeeee.


Here's a concept I thought was interesting:

When people become drunk, they revert back to their most basic of feelings. At first when I heard this, I was skeptical(sp?). After listening to the points though, I can see how wierd it is. People feel the need to defend their territory, or at least we did back when we were still fighting over caves and huts and villages and, well, actually, we still are. Fuck. I guess we've always fought over territory. Maybe we're just destined to keep fighting amongst ourselves. We think we should be above this type of behavior as we fashion ourselves as such intelligent animals. Really though, it seems like it's just nature. A pride of lions will raise issue with another pride or a straggler unattached to any other group, as they are crossing on to their turf. That's sort of like nature's gang wars at hand. Simba's posse versus Scar's or some shit like that. Regardless, I think we're just going to always be fighting over land and territories, as countries, as states, as counties, as cities, as people.

Also, when drunk, the usual mindset is to scheme on any type of female (from a male's perspective) and see if she's digging the game you're slangin. That's the basic urge to procreate I guess, since I assume we felt that need because we had to at one point, fuck like rabbits to continue our species in a challenging world. We're just animals man.


Gainesville is coming up this next weekend. I. Am excited. Tremendously. When you've got everything you could want, everything else seems trivial. Ride the wave baby.

New Years Resolutions means crowded running tacks

It's the first week back to school, and as expected, the Strom Thurmond Fitness and Wellness Center (GYM) is CRAWLING with people ready to start their New Year's Resolutions. Students (it seems like it's usually girls) are flocking to USC's fitness Mecca to attain their perfect bodies that reside within their current flabby physique. Upon first hearing complaints about how many people had swarmed the Strom, I became enraged. In a way, I reasoned that these people weren't really serious about getting in shape, and that they'd be gone by the end of the week. I was angry they'd be there taking up my space, faking the drive it takes to maintain a healthy body. But after thinking about it, I hope those that do decide to go and workout and get in shape as their New Year's Resolution do hold themselves to it, and stay. It's better for everyone if more people decide to get in shape and actually stick to that decision. I wish all those setting out on their Resolutions success. I know I'll need a bit of good luck to carry out mine, but so far it's going well.

Speaking of things, it's the first week back to school, and I'm excited not only about the school year, but the year in general. It's bizarre how my attitude towards some things has changed in the month away from Carolina. So many things can change in just a short while, and once again, I believe good things happen to good people, so as long as I try to be good, I think good things will continue to happen to me.

I'd urge you to take the new start to the semester to look at yourself and see if you're really doing everything you can to get all that you want out of life.

Briefly-

1. If you want something bad enough, you'll work for it. That's how you earn things.

2. Nothing worth having ever came easy. If it did, then everyone would have it.

3. You never know who's going to come into your life at any given moment. It's up to you if you recognize the importance of that person or not, and act on it.

Walk in/Walk out

Last time I checked in was way back in last year. Well I'm back and in full effect in 2009. 2008 was an absolutely unpredictable, amazing, fantastic, awful, horrific, terrible, exciting, dull year. In my 20 years on planet earth, there was never a year like 2008. 2009 I hope, will be more consistent in a good way.

People walk in and out of life all the time. I guess when you're young you never really think about that because of how short your life so far has been. But getting more and more into life you see how people you were so sure would be there for all time, fade away, and people you never dreamt you'd ever know, suddenly step into your life. It seems that the only certainty in life anymore is that it's absolutely uncertain. Nothing's ever set in stone and all you can do is do your best to live for today and prepare for tomorrow.


Last week in South Florida, this past week has been otherworldly. Easily the best week at home this break, and I'm joined by someone else in saying, "I don't want to leave." But what must happen must happen, and as Tupac said, "Life goes on." On that note, South Cack next weekend, ride or die motherfuckers.