2010 Dillard’s Uncle Fantasy Baseball League Prediction Special
Brought to you by Jay Moersen and Michael Wunderlich of The Almosts and The Columbia Narwhals respectively

With each new season comes new optimism that for each team, “This really is the year!” The draft and the celebratory festivities have come and gone, Spring Training is nearing its conclusion and once again, The Dillard’s Uncle Fantasy Baseball league, a league so elite that one Tim Kurkjian realized we were too hardcore for him, is ready to plunge head first into a season as new and as fresh as the first pearl that’ll be thrown out at Fenway Park on April 4th by Mr. Josh Beckett. Without any further adieu, these are your 2010 Official DU League Predictions, brought to you by Jay “That Chicken Finger Place is Delicious!” Moersen, and translated into literary form by Michael “Does Anyone Want to Get a Pizza?” Wunderlich. You’ve all been waiting the entire winter for this, so here you are:

EMANSKI’S ALL STARS
We start with the reigning DU league champions, the team with the monstrous trophy adorning a certain apartment in Clemson, SC. Neal Moersen’s Emanski’s All Stars certainly lived up to the legendary Tom Emanski’s billing last year, playing to a degree of excellence that only The Crime Dog could endorse. According to Sir Jay,

Best Pick: Scott Sizemore, 18th round. Projected to have 16 hr 75 rbi 10 sb, Sizemore looks to be a nice replacement to EAS legend Brian Roberts as he begins his climb in years. Roberts is still solid though, as we all know.

Biggest Reach: Brandon Webb, 11th round.

Overview: Overall, EAS once again put in a solid draft day. A solid team all around, the champs only real need was at the starting pitcher position, something that wasn’t addressed in full this past weekend. Ricky Nolasco stands out among the five starting pitchers drafted that will be a viable fantasy option this year, although Webb and Sheets may both yield big time rewards if they bounce back and return to form. Hell, if they return to a portion of their old selves they could represent some good value. If those two emerge back into shape, the EAS rotation will go from the bottom of the pack to the top 3 overall.

Grade: B

The Almosts
The team that was probably the most talked about approaching draft day for various reasons, The Almosts are a formidable team in the Jake the Snake division, headed up by Jay “I’ve got Laundromats, Bitch!” Moersen. (Actual quote from Five Points the other night.) A solid team all around with a manager that isn’t afraid to shake up his roster and pull the trigger on a big trade, not to mention a meticulous number cruncher, this squad is another team to beware of.

Value Pick: 19th round Marco Scutaro. Projected at 11-62-8 this year, Scutaro batting 9th in the Boston order is like someone batting 7th in most other lineups. Scutaro may not produce on the same level he did last year with Toronto, but he’ll still be a good option if Jason Bartlett doesn’t build on his breakout year of 2009.

Biggest Reach: 13th round, Tim Hudson. The #4 for The Almosts, but he’s still coming off of Tommy John, which can be a hit or miss in terms of performance post-op. Hopefully for The Almosts, he returns and channels his inner Josh Johnson instead of Carl Pavano.

Overview: This team filled a lot of needs early in the draft, something you have to do if you want to win. Depth in the OF and a SS were both primary needs, and both were acquired on draft day. One question mark going into the season though is the health of Brad Lidge and Huston Street and how they’ll hold up during the season, and if they’ll perform like they have in the past. Saves could be an issue.

Overall: B+


Finley’s Fungo
After a mid-season name change and a streak of tough luck in terms of position players, manager Daniel “Sheet Murderer” Gordon has professed that this team is more to his liking, which could spell trouble because we all know Gordon has a sound baseball mind, and knows how to adjust during the season as well as anyone there is. Fungo, with their devastating pitching rotation could be a dominant team if the offense catches up this year.

Value Pick: 24th round, David Ortiz. Despite the fact that he’s older, fatter, admitted to taking PED’s and isn’t nearly as scary, (and he doesn’t play the field,) Ortiz still put up 25+ homers and 99 rbi’s last year, and that was a season when everyone was thinking he was finished as a baseball player. He’s still capable of putting up those kind of numbers this year.

Biggest Reach: None. Short arms are to blame.

Overview: Picking up Derek Lee early takes care of the most glaring need the Fungo had last season at 1B. Lee’s still a solid contributor and should be motivated to help the Cubs go deep into the playoffs this year, as their window of opportunity with their current team is closing fast. He went high for potential starter David Price and Jorge De La Rosa, which for some teams may have been suicidal, but Fungo’s staff is so strong that it’s a worthy endeavor to risk those picks. A small negative would have to be the lack of aggressiveness in going for closers, but as we’ve all heard before, never pay for saves. There’s always a Kevin Gregg waiting around on the waiver wire.

Grade: A


Razzle Dalzell
The team who’s location actually flaunts a team with an even more badass name, The Trailbosses, is headed up by manager John “Our Dryer’s Broke” Sheridan. Known for his quick and adaptive thinking in setting lineups and acquiring players, Dalzell is always an interesting team, brimming with young talent.

Value Pick: 11th round, Clayton Kershaw. A no brainer, Dalzell needed a third starter and a keeper worthy pitcher. Seems as though Kershaw was gift wrapped.

Biggest Reach: None

Overview: Once again, Dalzell assembles a solid team. In terms of youth and talent, there’s not an equal team in the league. This is a typical Sheridan team if you’ve ever watched him play the Dynasty mode on The Show. Prospects and young talent. The only downside is he took one infielder, so he didn’t do enough to add depth to his infield.

Grade: B



McCann’s Cans
The team with one of the top hitting catchers in the league, THE best hitter in the league and two of the most proficient speeders in the league, this is a scary team that needs the starting pitching to remain healthy and the young guns to step up.

Value Pick: 19th round, JA Happ. Chapman will start the year in the minors, discounting his ability to produce early, and so a third starter was needed, and Happ is exactly what was needed, late in the draft.

Biggest Reach: Alex Rios. Effort and batting average leave a ton to be desired from someone you’d expect to destroy in all facets of the game if he actually applied himself. HR’s and RBI aren’t anything to boast of, he’ll get his fair share of steals this year, but Crawdaddy and Ellsbury already put in the most work for that category.

Overview: Another solid Albert Pujols led team, nothing to argue about that. A qualm though, would be that there’s not enough variety in stat category coverage for the Cans to progress anymore than last year. The same starting staff basically returns, and all the key positional players are there. Maybe just a little more luck at the end of the season is what it’ll take.

Grade: B



Your Mom’s Cunnilingus Crew
Dylan “Big Nasty” Reese, aka The Demoralizer, aka DReese, aka I Hate Grayson Mullins more than I hate having a root canal, is back ladies and gentlemen, and The Crew is coming with him. Boasting some of the finest performers pitching and hitting last year, The Crew are another team as nasty as their name. Although they do have Arthur Rhodes.

Value Pick: 20th round, Todd Helton. Had a nice season last year, still a productive player, struck out 160 times less than Mark Reynolds did.

Biggest Reach: Mark Reynolds. While he filled a major positional need, but home runs can be found in a myriad of other players.

Overview: Possessing only 13 picks this year, The Crew had to be efficient, but still wasted 5 picks on Damon, Hunter, Mijares, Milledge and Feliciano. Granted, the Damon pick was autopicked because his computer froze. He could have waited on the setup men until after the draft and found anyone he wanted in free agency.

Grade: C


The Banhammers
Headed up by new arrival Dave “I’m in Spain, Bitch,” Espindle, Dave inherits Matthew Patula’s team that had a great season last year and has a few dynamic players and an overall strong roster. But Jay’s assessment of the draft for Dave was like the icon for his team, “Stern, but fair.”

Value Pick: 12 round, Carlos Lee. No Brainer #2. A 3rd outfielder was needed and he didn’t have an 11th round pick, and luckily, The Horse was still there.

Biggest Reach: Carlos Pena. With Tex and Joey Votto on board, The Banhammers grabbed
Pena in the 17th. With that kind of depth, Pena at anytime for The Banhammers is a problem.

Overview: Hopefully Dave wasn’t at the draft the entire time, as a few picks befuddled Master Jay. Namely, Pena, Beltre, Vlad and Matsui back to back, as well as the fact that Jenks and R. Soriano are his only relievers.

Grade: C-



Bronx Bombers
The Bombers, headed up by Patrick “I love McDonalds Cinnamon Rolls,” Gordon return a good looking team aimed to make a jump in the standings this year, although more offense will probably be the primary issue to be resolved as the season goes on.

Value Pick: 17th round, Franklin Gutierrez. Who the Cans should have waited for instead of taking Rios.

Biggest Reach: Big Puma, Lance Berkman. Same story as the Hammers. Two solid 1B options… and Berkman? (This is Mike speaking, I believe you said it autopicked it for you because your computer froze.) Although, Master Jay is surprised the big guy fell that far.

Overview: A well rounded team overall, with the exception of Berkman, there were a lot of need filling picks. Guys like Pence, Doumit, Bailey, Kuble and Guitierrez can take this team a long way, although the lack of firepower may not be enough to take it to the playoffs.

Grade: B-

Narwhals
By rule, I won’t write about my team. I’ll just state the fact: My team came in last place last year.

Biggest Reach: John Lackey. Could have had Clayton Kershaw.

Overview: A few problems. First, no closers. DON’T PAY FOR SAVES, but the Narwhals act like they weren’t in this league last year. The outfield won’t scare any opposing managers, with Quentin, Choo, Jones, Spann and Maybin. Much like Pujols, Lincecum can carry a team through some tough weeks, but with a 32 minimum innings rule in place this year it diminishes value and places more importance on depth.

Grade: C


G-Town Hoyas
The only Hoya Paranoia around the league is wondering what Mr. Ethan “Joe Nathan for Justin Verlander straight up” Root will do for his next player transaction. Many a trades proposed and early waiver wire actions have the league abuzz. Chalk it up to preseason giddiness you critics. The Hoyas have a strong baseball mind in Root, who vows to perform well this year.

Biggest Reach: Everyone but Andrus and Soto.

Overview: What happened? Not only did the Hoyas draft Daniel Uggla, a backup catcher before a starting catcher, JJ Hardey and Colby Rasmus, they didn’t take a closer. Master Jay doubts that Ethan could disagree with the statement that he had a bad draft because within 28 hours he dropped and replaced 4 of his draft picks with other players. You could have put the Hoya keepers with any other team’s draft and you could potentially have a playoff team, but instead you’ll have one that will finish last.

Grade: F



Predicted order of finish with Playoff teams* and Champion ***

Dan Marjele
1. All Stars * Not enough pitching
2. Fungo *** Best Pitching
3. Cans *
4. Crew*
5. Narwhals
Jake the Snake
1. Almosts* No firepower in the end
2. Dalzell* Needs to find another Upton
3. Bombers
4. Banhammers
5. Hoyas
There you have it folks, according to Jay Moersen, that’s how it’s going down this year.

Gordon's Fungo squad will presumably win with the Three Horseman and an improved offense, while the rest of the playoff regulars reappear once again, and the whipping boys continue in futility. But like every year, predictions often turn to shit, because as they say, "That's why you play the games." It's going to be about luck, adjustments, shrewd moves and non-moves and being able to stay on top of things. A lot can happen between now and September/October.

You've read them, disagreed, agreed with them, hated them, spit at them, ignored them, embraced them, now let the truth be told.



The season begins April 4th with New York taking on Boston at Fenway at 8pm Eastern Standard Time, Sabathia v. Beckett. Another year, another season. Let the discussions begin.