Life is Good When You're Breathing

I have a hard time,
keeping up this stream of tears,
wallowing in these made up fears,
are these things real to me,
or are they things in which I believe?
just ideas that I did conceive?
I'm pretty sure it's just a dream,
the real hurt comes from something more,
when the fire dies,
the embers fade,
the eyes grow dim,
these are the idols we have made,
perfect bodies, perfect smiles,
perfect lives, these perfect lives,
surrounded by our giant walls,
that shut us out,
lock us in,
slow decaying from within,
our hearts do break,
but we can't feel,
we'll never know,
what's truly real,
sense of touch,
of taste and smell,
all forsaken for what they sell,
we're let down by what can't feel,
consumed by what we swear is real,
I want, I need, I have, I'm sure,
that what I have is white and pure,
it's proof of a life well spent,
proof that somewhere along the way,
everything fell apart.
We're crying out,
from behind our walls,
saviors saviors, saviors,
save us save us, save us,
outstretched arms,
no one will repay us,
for deeds we haven't done,
words in webs we haven't spun,
you look at me for salvation,
but I promise you I'm not the one,
to raise you up to constellations,
I know this,
life is good when you're breathing,
the poor rejoice, the wealthy seething,
the joy of being a human being,
I control myself, look to myself,
I'll fall to pieces,
if I cast my eyes towards someone else,
life is good when you're breathing,
the little things keep my heart beating.

Another post

So many times,
in fact every time,
I've held out my hand,
tried to be the man,
tried to be steady,
tried to be ready,
to hold you up,
to be solid ground,
but it seems every time,
yea, every time,
you gave away,
you walked away,
you stayed away,
and I watched the day,
turn blue to gray,
the sun fall in my skies
lose sight with my eyes,
every time,
yes, every time,
you put me down,
you let me go,
you left me alone,
so gentle it hurt,
so cold that I burned,
so sweet that I soured,
so short that my hours,
turned into seconds,
that turned into moments,
they turned into nightmares,
and set me in my chair,
to sit and to think,
about how I can be,
all of these things, that you'll never see.

Perspective

This past weekend, I went to my friend's house to work again to prepare for his sister's wedding that'll be taking place there.

It's nice to go and let the other stresses of my life wash away, but this weekend, I found myself constantly being reminded of things I'm unhappy with in my own life. The entire weekend, I seemed to dwell on them, letting them consume me at times.

Once I returned back to school, I was confronted by other issues, heavier issues. Without going into detail, my sister is considering transferring schools. On top of this, the girl that is living with my mom has to go to her senior prom on crutches. And it's Easter.

I guess my problems (mainly girl frustrations), seem trivial when placed next to those issues. Life is all about perspective. So much of the time, I lack perspective, and whenever I find it, it's a fresh dose of reality for me. This world is more than what I want out of it. I'm not sure what else I should be doing, wanting, expecting, giving, but the more I'm here, the more I'm sure that I have something else to be doing while I'm here. With patience, I know I'll find it.

The world through my eyes

I'm alone in this crowded world,
above all the crowded rooms,
the clutter escapes me,
and I can breathe,
when I look at where I came from,
I never want to return,
I love my isolation,
so far away and cold,
no one can touch me here,
I hate where I came from,
I hate what they are,
when I see them,
and I see me,
I see how different,
we truly are,

I love being so far away,
and I like it way up here,

nobody can touch me,

and that's how I want to be,
this world is not mine
their world is not mine,
I gave it all away,

the smiling faces,of fabricated moments,
of medicated psyches,
crawling on their hands and knees,
only in my dreams,
only my reality,
when I'm awake,
they all dream
of what it's like to feel alive,
nothing to hold on to,
nothing to believe,
they appear to be alive,
but I fear they're dead inside,


If I had the chance,
to rejoin the world I left,
to fall back with the life I had,
I'd cast down every rope,
every ladder, refuse every hand,
this is where I want to be,
alone, away, only me,
your world is dead,
in my eyes dead,
I'll stay right here,
and wash away.

To wait.

Technology is a fantastic thing. It makes our lives easier, and enhances what we're able to do. We're able to keep in touch with people at long distances with relative ease these days compared to the era of handwritten letters from days gone by.

I think because of this, we've become accustomed to instant gratification. Sending a text, you expect a response in a timely fashion, just like you would with an email or a phone call or any other sort of thing related to digital correspondence. I think we've become too used to having people right at our fingertips, and it creates a feeling of crowding, even though we could be hundreds of miles away.

I feel that more and more we lean on the methods of communication we have instead of really valuing what we're communicating. The easier it is, the more we take others being there for granted, as if they really are just a phone call or a text message away. More and more, face to face communication is being pushed aside for the impersonal method that is everything related to a screen. I wonder, are we as a society soon heading down a path of entirely no face to face communication? How are we supposed to connect with other people in a real way? Or will we just forget that element entirely of personal relationships and forge a new way of feeling?

Joose.

The last time I wrote, there was a different President in office. It's wierd to think that back in 8th grade people were speculating Barack Obama would run for office in 2008 and all of a sudden, here he is, and here we are. Wild wild world.

Gainesville took place this weekend, and I had an absolute blast. I have a few major things to be considering this next semester, and have to really sit down and bake on some thoughts. This is looking to be my most important semester of my life, and I must treat it as such.




It's wild to go to different places and see how backwards South Carolina is sometimes.

I suck at spelling.

I just realized that without Spell Check, I would be the world's most clueless person when it comes to spelling actual words. Yea, there's a typo in the title of my previous entry. Ayeeee.


Here's a concept I thought was interesting:

When people become drunk, they revert back to their most basic of feelings. At first when I heard this, I was skeptical(sp?). After listening to the points though, I can see how wierd it is. People feel the need to defend their territory, or at least we did back when we were still fighting over caves and huts and villages and, well, actually, we still are. Fuck. I guess we've always fought over territory. Maybe we're just destined to keep fighting amongst ourselves. We think we should be above this type of behavior as we fashion ourselves as such intelligent animals. Really though, it seems like it's just nature. A pride of lions will raise issue with another pride or a straggler unattached to any other group, as they are crossing on to their turf. That's sort of like nature's gang wars at hand. Simba's posse versus Scar's or some shit like that. Regardless, I think we're just going to always be fighting over land and territories, as countries, as states, as counties, as cities, as people.

Also, when drunk, the usual mindset is to scheme on any type of female (from a male's perspective) and see if she's digging the game you're slangin. That's the basic urge to procreate I guess, since I assume we felt that need because we had to at one point, fuck like rabbits to continue our species in a challenging world. We're just animals man.


Gainesville is coming up this next weekend. I. Am excited. Tremendously. When you've got everything you could want, everything else seems trivial. Ride the wave baby.